Are you motivated by pleasure or pain?

Why understanding this unlocks your consistency in life + business.

If you’ve ever wondered why you can want something so deeply yet struggle to stay consistent, you’re not alone.
And it’s not because you’re unmotivated, undisciplined or “bad at sticking to things”.

It’s usually because you’re trying to motivate yourself in a way that doesn’t match how you actually operate.

This week inside a 1:1 session, my client had a huge realisation, one that I see over and over again with women in business, especially those juggling family, clients, life and the mental load.

We were talking about follow through, consistency and what truly keeps her moving toward her goals. Not the Pinterest version of motivation, but the real, life first version that survives school pickups, sickness weeks, shifting seasons and unpredictable energy.

We are all motivated by either pleasure or pain.
And the moment you understand which one drives you, your entire relationship with action changes.

Let’s break this down.

The pleasure motivated woman

If you’re motivated by pleasure, you move toward the good feeling waiting for you on the other side of the action.

You’re fuelled by:

The excitement of the outcome

The sense of progress

The reward

The future version of you who feels lighter, clearer, more confident

For pleasure driven women, motivation comes from imagining what’s possible.
It’s forward focused.
It’s hopeful.
It’s energising.

This is the client I was coaching recently.
Once she connected the dots “Oh my gosh, I’m actually motivated by the idea of the reward!” everything clicked. Suddenly her strategy changed. Instead of forcing discipline, she began pairing actions with positive feelings, meaningful incentives, and small wins.

And her consistency skyrocketed.

The pain motivated woman

Then there are women like me.
Women who are moved by the clarity of consequence, not in a fearful or shame driven way but in a self honouring, deeply grounded way.

Pain motivated women take action because they can clearly see the cost of not doing the thing.

The pain of staying stuck.
The pain of missed opportunities.
The pain of letting themselves down.
The pain of repeating the same year on rinse + repeat.

This type of motivation often shows up in women who value integrity, alignment, and self-respect. They don’t want to feel the discomfort of “I should have done that” so they act.

Pain motivation is not negative.
It’s powerful.
It’s direct.
It’s honest.

And for some women it’s the very thing that creates momentum.

Neither is better. But one is yours.

This isn’t about labelling your style as good or bad.
It’s about clarity.

Because when you know your true motivation style, you stop forcing strategies that don’t work for you.

Pleasure-driven women do poorly with fear based goals.
Pain-driven women struggle to sustain motivation if everything feels too soft and fluffy.

But when your strategies match your motivation style?

Suddenly you’re consistent.
You follow through.
You stop procrastinating.
You make decisions with confidence.
You create progress that feels natural, not forced.

This is self leadership.
This is alignment.
This is ease.

How your notivation style shapes your life + business

✔ Pleasure driven motivation may look like:

Setting inspiring, exciting goals

Celebrating small wins often

Creating a vision for what you’re working toward

Reward-based accountability

Future visualisation

✔ Pain driven motivation may look like:

Getting clear on the costs of staying the same

Asking “What will this look like in 6 months if I don’t act?”

Removing tolerations

Creating non negotiable standards

Using consequences as clarity, not punishment

Both require self awareness.
Both can be deeply empowering.

The point isn’t which one you are, it’s whether you’re using it intentionally.

Why this matters for women in business, especially Mums

When you’re juggling life + business, your time, energy and mental load aren’t optional considerations, they’re foundational. Your motivation style impacts how you plan your week, how you follow through, how you build routines and how you protect your boundaries.

Without this awareness, you’ll always feel like you’re pushing against yourself.

With it?
You finally start working with yourself.

That’s when business starts to feel easier.
More aligned.
More spacious.
More sustainable, even if your life is full.

Your reflection and your breakthrough

Take a moment today and ask yourself:

Are you primarily motivated by pleasure … or pain?

Sit with it.
Notice what feels true in your body.
Notice what typically gets you moving.

Because once you know this?
You unlock a new level of clarity in how you show up.

Motivation stops being mysterious.
And your next steps become obvious.